Pay the Money and Take a Shot

MURDERED!

2010-08-03T18:06:00.006+01:00

I'm killing this blog. I don't particularly enjoy writing about myself and am pretty wary of saying something that puts me in hot water (that said, I have SO MUCH to say about certain people and certain things, oh well). From here on out, treat this thing as you would a serial killer in a horror movie; it's dead, with a chance of return.

Since this is my last post, I'll update my life to this point:

1. I graduated from law school:

Bittersweet. VERY bittersweet. I worked my ass off to graduate and did pretty well over the last few semesters, but am jobless and uncertain about what exactly I want to do now. I'd always assumed that something would click in law school and make me say: "I really want to do this for the rest of my life," but that never happened. I'm keeping my options open at this point (while excluding all private sector work...).

2. I suffered through senior week and graduation weekend:

Due to a writing project that I was working on with a professor, I did not finish until after exam period. I'd already completed the project, but we were still putting final touches on the project. That meant that when I was supposed to be celebrating with my friends, I was stuck in the undergrad library. Not fun.

By the time senior week rolled around, I was wiped and a bit under the weather. I did my best to put on a happy face, but it was a pale one.

Grad weekend itself was brutal. My parents went through an ugly divorce while I was in law school and things really deteriorated between them over the last year. I spent most of the weekend focusing on ways to keep my parents/step-parents apart in a futile attempt to keep the peace. That added up to a celebration FAIL.

3. I completed the Maryland bar application:

Like everything in life, I put this off to the last minute. I didn't have time to do it while I was doing everything I needed to do to graduate. After that, I was stuck in my senior week/graduation quagmire. So, the day after graduation, I finally started working on the sixty page Maryland bar application.

I imagine that it takes most people a significant chunk of time to complete the bar application. If you add a Saab 900 with a broken speedometer to the mix, it becomes crushingly time-consuming. Between making calls to random jurisdictions between DC and Cleveland (along my ticket-riddled drive to college...) and trying to track down notaries, I just barely got my application in time to actually sit for the bar exam.

4. I had five days without an obligation of any kind:

So, I went to the beach with my closest male friends from school. We proceeded to get hammered, eat crab, play putt-putt, get more hammered, watch The Saint, and generally destroy all hope of being well-rested for our bar classes. That was good times.

5. I began my online bar course:

I chose to use Themis to study for the bar. It was half the price of Barbri and I had read enough antitrust cases involving Barbri that I felt I should help the little guy. We'll see if I made the right choice on November 5th, when the Maryland bar results come out.

In all seriousness, I think the substance of the course was solid. I felt I learned a lot and after the test felt like I had been sufficiently prepared.

My big complaint is that they scheduled in an impossible amount of work, which I think added significantly to my level of stress. Continually failing to complete your allotment of daily tasks can be disheartening. I assume they want to be able to say to people, "well, if you had completed all of your assignments, we are confident that you would have passed."

That's exactly the sort of thinking that pervaded my law school experience. Instead of focusing on each student learning the material to the best of their ability, the focus was on forcing everyone to adhere to an archaic system of learning that may or may not have any bearing on what sort of lawyer or test-taker they produce. Just as GW adapted Harvard's use of the Socratic Method, Themis adapted Barbri's use of the Bombardment Method. Is there no better way? Are lawyers incapable of deducing a variety of methods to create better students and advocates? Meh, that's a subject for a full post of its own (if this blog wasn't facing imminent termination...).

6. I took the Maryland bar exam:

It was hard, but fair. I felt like I did a very solid job with all ten essays. As for the MPT, it was not difficult but I only left myself sixty minutes to complete what's supposed to take ninety and thus wasn't able to say everything I wanted to say. Hopefully, it wasn't a big deal.

The MBE sucked. I slept like an angel after the first day and felt that the only thing that could prevent a pass would be a complete meltdown on the MBE. I don't think I had a meltdown but had trouble focusing and as a result, I worked much slower than usual. I didn't get to ten questions, so just filled in "B," like my barbri friends told me to. Hopefully those questions will get tossed or they mercifully come up "B." We'll see, I guess.

Regardless, I'm proud of how hard I worked and how I performed on the exam day. If I failed, it will not be for lack of preparation.

7. I went to the drunken olympics:

Yes, I'm now a two-time drunken olympian. My first go-around was a failure, as I didn't drink nearly enough to compete. I put in a much stronger showing this year, but my team still came up short (I'm still not sure how that's possible, considering how many events we "won"). Although I battled some not-so-fun hangovers, I didn't get sick or commit any major crimes. Surely I deserve a medal of some sort for that.

8. What's next:

Who knows! I'm taking some short trips but not an actual bar trip. My main focus will be figuring out my career situation. Normally I would blog about any major decisions but this thing is DEAD! Thus, if you want to know what's going on with me, give me a call or find me on gchat. Thanks for stopping by Pay the Money and Take a Shot!

More than a Coach

2010-06-05T06:42:00.008+01:00

I have a lot to say about a lot of things. This one is worth breaking my silence over. John Wooden has died. He was 99.

I would reminisce about Wooden's championship teams at UCLA but his last championship came six years before my birth. All I know of him is what I've read about him through the years. I still have three lasting memories of him.

The first came when I was falling in love with college basketball during the early 90's. At the time, Coach K was in the process of leading Duke to back-to-back championships. I thought he was the greatest coach to ever live. I then discovered that some guy named John Wooden had won ten championships in twelve years at UCLA. I was dumbfounded.

The next was when I was in college and studying cello and pedagogy. My teacher was a monster, but also a brilliant teacher and recruiter. Somehow, he managed to assemble the greatest cello studio in the country in the middle of dank, gray Cleveland.

We talked once in a lesson about a documentary that we'd both watched about John Wooden. My teacher noted his successes and compared himself favorably to John Wooden. He was no John Wooden, because John Wooden was a far greater man than coach. I told myself at that moment that if I became a cello teacher some day, I would model myself after Wooden, not my cello teacher.

The last came when I flipped to the back of Sports Illustrated and read a column by Rick Reilly. It was about Wooden and his love of his wife Nell, who had passed away fifteen years before. The column noted that a month after she passed, Wooden wrote a love letter to her and slipped it under her pillow.

I remember crying when I read Reilly's column. I felt sick thinking about how much he must have missed her to want to write her a letter and to leave her pillow where it was when she died. That column was written ten years ago. Wooden wrote those letters every month until he passed yesterday.

For twenty-five years, Wooden wrote love letters to a woman he fell in love with over eighty years ago. That, my friends, is commitment. That is devotion. That is love.

I admire Coach Wooden for a lot of reasons, but it is his life of passion that I find most inspiring. I hope that in death, his love finds new life. I hope that all of us can find something we feel equally passionate about.

R.I.P., Coach. Gone, but certainly not forgotten.

Done?

2010-05-10T20:03:00.002+01:00

So, I turned in my last draft of my last law school essay last Tuesday night. I then hightailed it to North Carolina for a few days of R and R with my law school crew. While I was there, my grades trickled in. It looks like I'm actually going to graduate. Really?

I think I'm still in the shock and denial phase of the seven stages of recovering from law school grief. My transcript says I'm done, but part of me won't believe it until I'm holding the diploma in my hand and it has my name on it. Until then, I'll be celebrating, but not running-through-the-streets-naked celebrating. I'll save that for when I pass the bar.

Golden!

2010-03-29T05:58:00.004+01:00

I turn 29 today at 3:23 a.m. Let's all hope that it's a golden day.

As for this blog, I have lots to blog about, most of which I'm keeping to myself until after graduation. Let's just say that it's going to get pretty saucy up in here starting on May 17th.

And what are my birthday plans, you ask? Go to my class at 3:50, maybe dinner out, and then paper writing in the libs! Yaaaaay! I love writing papers on my biiiiiirthday!!!!

It's cool, though. I threw a lovely birthday party for myself before prom and received a smashing serenade of happy birthday from my friends. That was good enough times for ten birthdays. Thanks, glorious section 12'ers!

Gregg Easterbrook: America's Educator

2010-02-16T17:30:00.003Z

In lieu of posting something original, I've decided to post something brilliant. Last week, Gregg Easterbrook posted his penultimate Tuesday Morning Quarterback of the season (wiping away tears). About 25,000 words in, he tackled the mislabeling of President Obama as a "tax-and-spend" President. I learned. I hope you do too:

Borrow-and-Spend Replaces Tax-and-Spent: The tea party crowd -- which calls itself a movement though perhaps one American in 10,000 actually has attended a tea party -- claims Barack Obama is a "tax and spend" president. Obama is a borrow-and-spend president, just as George W. Bush was. Federal tax rates have declined steadily for a generation, and declined sharply in the past decade. A declining federal tax burden for most people, rather than higher federal spending, is the core reason for skyrocketing deficits -- though spending surely is rising, too. Commentators who use the phrase "tax and spend" to describe Obama either don't understand recent political history or aren't being honest.

Federal income tax rates were cut by John Kennedy in the early 1960s, by Ronald Reagan in the 1980s; rose slightly under the elder George Bush; were cut twice under the younger Bush, and cut again by Obama last winter. Capital-gains tax rates have declined too; Social Security and Medicare taxes ("payroll taxes") were raised by Reagan and by Bill Clinton, although not enough to fully fund either program, meaning those taxes are lower than they need to be for fiscal discipline. This chart shows the decline of the federal top rate, to less than half of what it was under Dwight Eisenhower.

The younger Bush was hammered in the press because his two tax cuts reduced the rate paid by the rich: But the same cuts nearly eliminated federal income taxes on the working class and lower middle class. That is, George W. Bush's tax cuts were progressive. Last year, 43 percent of Americans paid no federal income taxes -- in 2009; this year, as many as half of Americans are expected to pay no federal income taxes. Yet public discourse is full of complaints about taxes, and many people claim to hate Washington because of taxes, while practically everyone demands more federal benefits and services.

As middle-class taxes are being eliminated, the top 20 percent of filers -- the well-off -- pay for a steadily higher share of federal government, last year paying 70 percent of total federal taxes. The well-off are financing most of the federal government, and that will intensify next year as taxes go up on household income above $250,000. Other than the spending paid for by the well-off, the rest is being billed to the young, via deficit spending and borrowing.

Keynesian point: It does make sense to increase federal spending when the economy is soft. But the flip side of Keynesian economics is that government should reduce spending when the economy is strong, using the breathing space to pay down debt. Congress loves to increase spending. Is there any chance that as the economy recovers, Congress will abide by the second prescription of Keynesian economics, and reduce spending? A few days ago the House quietly raised the federal debt ceiling to $14 trillion, allowing yet another round of undisciplined, unaccountable giveaways. That big number equates to $46,000 in debt for every American citizen. Since no one in the Boomer generation ever will repay a dime -- the Baby Boom's final sociological act-out may be to bankrupt the country -- the effective debt is more like $100,000 per American under the age of 30.

Fiscal policy point: Think I am exaggerating about bankrupting the country? Last week Moody's Investor Services warned that U.S. Treasury bonds may be downgraded from Triple-A status. Even if the extremely modest fiscal-discipline goals recently announced by President Obama are met, in five years the U.S. debt-to-GDP ratio will be worse than it was in 1950, when America was paying off World War II borrowing.

Media point: Here are headlines from last week's budget proposal release. USA Today's main headline (underneath "What Happens to Avatar 3-D Glasses?") was "Obama Budget Proposal Draws Rapid Fire," the political-quarrel angle. The New York Times' main headline was "Huge Deficits May Alter U.S. Politics and Global Power," the public-policy angle. The Chicago Tribune's main headline was "Obama Budget Proposes $100 Billion for Jobs Subsidies," the blue-collar angle. The Washington Post's main headline was "Budget Calls for Increased Spending," the angle that pleases Post readers, many of whom work for or with the federal government. The Wall Street Journal cut to the chase for its demographic: "Wealthy Face Tax Increase."

Understanding government note: Here is a fantastic graphic showing how the federal budget is spent. Entitlement spending for individuals -- Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, other health care -- totally dominate. The ticking time bombs are Social Security and Medicaid costs, both of which increase as Boomers retire, and "net interest," which could increase by hundreds of billions of dollars annually if interest rates rise, which seems close to inevitable. Today's undisciplined federal borrowing is happening before pension and Medicare costs will shoot up, owing to Boomer retirements. If Congress has already tapped out the national debt in order to give every interest group everything it demands today, how is the country going to finance the approaching retirement wave?

Mexico Recap

2010-01-31T19:02:00.003Z

1. Got off the ferry at Isla Mujeres at 1 on Friday.
2. Shots with Dan at 1:03.
3. Hitchhiked to house at 2:15.
4. Arrived at house via golf cart at 2:30.
5. Drunk by 4ish.
6. Blurry between 4-10ish.
7. Fell off roof around 10:30.
8. Got up off the ground around 10:31.
9. Thanked God that I was still alive at 10:32.
10. Thrown in pool four times between 11 and midnight (leaving me without a dry shirt...).
11. Naked by midnight (apparently, I am terrible at strip spoons, especially when I begin the game only wearing a bathing suit).
12. Blurry between 1-5 when I finally passed out on a couch.
13. Brushed my teeth with tap water at 11 the next morning.
14. Montezuma's Revenge by 12:30 (thanks to aforementioned tooth brushing).
15. In bed by 2.
16. Sweaty, vomity mess from 2 on Saturday until noon on Monday.
17. Finally out of bed for good at around 1.
18. Glorious beach day from 1:30-5:30.
19. Drunken blur from 5:30-1:30.
20. On the ferry back to Cancun at 10 am.
21. On my flight at noon.
22. Home by 9:30.
23. Still alive. Thank God.

Mexico, Bitches!!!

2010-01-15T10:52:00.004Z

It's 5:53AM. My flight for Philadelphia leaves at 7:30AM. My connecting flight to...wait for it...CANCUN, leaves at 9:45AM. I'm due to arrive in Cancun at 12:45PM. I then have to make my way to a ferry which will take me to Isla Mujeres (the Isle of Women...I'm not kidding).

Who/what will meet me once I get off the ferry? One Daniel James M. Well, that's if he's not too preoccupied with seeing his girlfriend for the first time since he left for Mexico (I'm not his girlfriend...yet). My instructions? Buy a bottle of liquor at duty-free. Will I survive this trip? I hope so.

While I have the floor, I would like to give some serious kudos to security at BWI. I left my brother's place in Baltimore at 4:30AM for a 7:30AM flight, because I was convinced that it would take me forever to get through security. It took me ten minutes to get through security and that was even with a line that was probably 100 people deep. I was at my gate by 5:30. Seriously, awesome. Now I just have to figure out how to kill time until my flight.

That brings me to my next point. I'm blogging for free right now because Google gave me (and everyone else at BWI) free WiFi for the holidays. I know what you're thinking, "didn't the holidays end two weeks ago?" Yes, yes they did. But Google kindly put the end date of their gift as today, January 15, 2010. Sweet.

PS- As a follow-up to my previous post, I got my grade back for my antitrust exam. I am happy to report that I did extremely well. I know that it's poor form to brag about grades, but law school has been tough for me. I've worked really hard and often not gotten the results I wanted. It was nice to finally see my hard work pay off.

The trick? I did my own outline and finished it in time to take a practice exam and go over my answers with the professor's model answers.

When I first looked at his answer key, my heart dropped a little bit. I finally figured out my problem on law school exams; I was going WAY too much into detail on individual subjects instead of plowing through all the possible areas you can get points. That means I left a lot of points on the table.

Oh well. At least I figured it out on my second to last law school exam ever. If only I'd figured it out sooner! Maybe this semester I'll figure out how to write awesome papers. I better, because I have four to write. Rough.

PPS- Happy MLK weekend, everyone!

One Final Down

2009-12-11T03:36:00.003Z

That's it. That's the only news I have to report. I have one on Monday as well. I haven't read for that class or taken notes. It's closed book. I think it's going to be grrrrrrreeeeeeat.

As for the one last night, I think I did fine. Who knows anymore. I can honestly say it was probably the most prepared I've been for a law school exam since first semester of 1L year (the last semester I cared...). That means absolutely nothing, though. Why do I feel like professors sometimes just play pin the grade on the law student?

Pray for me and my GPA...

Ouch

2009-11-25T23:52:00.004Z

At this point, it pains me to look at this blog. Every now and then, I sneak glances and think to myself, "man, I should really post something." Then I go through the motions of trying to think of something interesting/not self-indulgent. Since I'm mostly interested in myself, I give up and go back to looking at dinosaur cartoons or Deadspin.

Over the summer, when I was in Oxford, I liked to post. I'd do it for an hour, almost daily! Times have clearly changed. Who wants to hear about my antitrust class (I love the subject but hate the prof) or my internship (at an undisclosed location)? I guess it's interesting that I got a cool internship at this shiny NEW place next semester, but I can't really talk about that either. There have been times when I've wanted to blog about sports, but that pretty much cuts out most of my audience (I love you, Mom!).

What prompted this blogging explosion? You guessed it, FINALS! I started outlining today. I hate outlining with every fiber of my body. I LOOOOVE flash cards. I HAAAATE outlining. If I can't learn a subject through flash cards, I'm one ornery dude.

I'm also a dude who looks for any and every way to procrastinate. Watching six-year-olds pancake other six-year-olds on deadspin can get old after the 100th view. I guess that leads me back here; my one-time home of many happily wasted hours. Let's hope this does the trick a while (for both of us! I love you, Mom!).

Ridiculously Something

2009-10-20T23:53:00.006+01:00

So, one of the awesomest aspects of gchat (and let's be honest, law school) is the plethora of distracting gchat statuses that fill up hours of law school boredom. Today, I was stunned to find THIS link on one of my more conservative friends' status messages.

First of all, this is really explicit. Whatever, I wasn't offended by it or anything, but I was a little surprised that Above the Law chose to run it. I would feel so, so bad for the girl who wrote that if she was exposed because of it (no pun intended, I swear).

That said, whoa boy, that dude is in for some serious, serious loving. Somebody needs to tip that guy off, because that sort of legal writing should not go to waste. At the very least, the Supreme Court should grant cert. That just might be the thing that finally puts Justice Scalia out of commission...

God, I Hate Penguins

2009-10-19T17:08:00.002+01:00

It's back! Finally! I was starting to look at cute animals without profanity racing through my mind. What a relief.

Ridiculously Bad

2009-10-08T21:25:00.004+01:00

I posted this link as my gchat status today and got quite a few "I'm so sorry's," and "that really blows, dude." My typical response was "kill me." One particularly brilliant friend suggested that I kill him (the him being the owner of the Washington Redskins, Dan Snyder). She was joking...I think...

If only the Danny would take Drew's advice and "walk in front of an oncoming cement mixer." Maybe then it wouldn't be another 18 YEARS UNTIL THE SKINS WIN ANOTHER SUPERBOWL, YOU ^#&*^*ING ^#&*!!!

Ridiculously Good

2009-10-03T00:09:00.002+01:00

I hate most of my law school textbooks. Usually, they're cobbled together by some prof who's overly obsessed with the nuances of an overwritten opinion from the 1630's. They change one page each year and then charge you an arm and a leg to buy the "new edition." If I had the grades to be a law school professor, I would, just so I could cash in on the textbook selling boom.

Once in a long while, a book comes along that bucks the boring trend. This happened recently when I opened up my new Trusts & Estates textbook and saw a picture of Marilyn Monroe. I thought to myself, hmmm, that's odd. A picture of a sexy actress in a textbook. Yeah, she's long dead, but that certainly beats staring at the pile of hair that Justice Cardozo called his eyebrows.

I flipped through the pages hoping for more gems...a cartoon about lesbian married couples here...a picture of Charles Kuralt with his mistress there...a footnote describing in detail the devotion a pet dog showed for his testator/master here...a picture of Scott and Laci Peterson there. Clearly this isn't your mother's textbook.

Wait what, it IS your mother's textbook? OMG!!

So, I called my Mom to shoot the [breeze] a few week ago and I was telling her how much I liked my Trusts & Estates textbook. She responded, "Ooooh, is it the one with the pictures?" Yes, I replied. Yes it is. She loved it too when she took the class ten years ago. Clearly, it's in the genes.

Now, trying to choose a suitable amusing passage out of a 1000 page textbook is not easy. I'll stick with my favorite then. This is the footnote about dog and owner. It's sad, but cool and pretty much sums up why I love the book and dogs:

"6. A letter from James C. McSween, Jr., the winning counsel in Taylor, to Robert H. Sitkoff, dated Oct. 9, 2008 reveals:

I inquired of Doris Holt, concerning the identity of "Muff" mentioned in the Will. It appears that this was a pet dog that [the testator] had for several years. She told me that the dog anxiously awaited his return from work late each night, and would anticipate his arrival by furiously moving from window to door at the usual hour. Muff became very despondent after the death of [the testator] and died within a few weeks."

My note in the margin? Just a big highlighted heart. Thanks, Dukeminier (sadly deceased), Sitkoff, and Lindgren. Your book has lightened up many a sad hour devoted to law school homework.

Ridiculously Good!

Hmmmmm...

2009-09-30T21:23:00.010+01:00

Blog blog blog blog blog. Blog blog. Blog? Blog.

I don't really know what to do with this thing. I don't like to talk about myself unless it's in an entirely self-deprecating fashion. I could post my musings on the world around me, but who really cares what I think (besides me, of course)? I could write about the failures of my beloved Redskins but that would just be depressing.

We're coming up on the one year anniversary of the beginning of this blog. I need to find something entertaining to do with it.

I know! I could draw a single cartoon with different, silly text every day! I could have a main character and a couple of secondary characters. They could be, I don't know, DINOSAURS!!! That would be awesome, you guys!

Wait, what? Somebody already did that? I have a link to it on my blog? Oh goddammit.

Alright, alright. Let's think. I want this thing to be amusing for people other than myself...it has to be different from other blogs...hmmm...I know. I'll write about ridiculous things that happen in the world. These could be good or bad.

Today, I will focus on the good. My awesome former roommate alerted me to the opening of the Harry Potter theme park. Plans can be seen here. This is ridiculous. IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE!!! Bar trip? I think so. Bringing my own wand? Definitely. Going to get laid? Certainly not. (But in a just world, I'd have a chance with Hermione)

Interview Fail

2009-09-15T20:37:00.005+01:00

As a 3L without a job, I'm forced to take interviews for jobs I don't really want. One of those interviews occurred today. Not good.

Bad sign number 1: neither interviewer was wearing a wedding ring. So yes, that's kind of weird that I check those sorts of things but it's a basic quality of life issue. If they're married, they have time for family and such. That's important to me. If not, they either got divorced because their work sucked so much or they were too busy to date. They seemed like they could have fit in either category. Not good.

Hold on, douchey 1L at 12 o'clock. Trying to impress table full of girls. I'm glad to see the torch of douchey 1L's has been passed on.

Bad sign number 2: the first interviewer saying that I'll be the most cultured person in their office. That might seem flattering but I think it shows a basic lack of worldliness which I find disconcerting.

Bad sign number 3: the second interviewer telling me that the interview will be conducted entirely as a hypothetical. I'm not totally opposed to hypotheticals but I'd rather answer questions about my background (which I find interesting).

Bad sign number 4: when the hypothetical revolved around areas of law that I have no recollection of! Ah, the joys of being a 3L and FORGETTING EVERYTHING YOU LEARNED DURING YOUR FIRST TWO YEARS OF LAW SCHOOL!!!

Bad sign number 5: when they told me, "don't tell me what we want to hear, tell us what you would actually do." I did that and it was pre-tty clear that they preferred the answer they wanted to hear. I'm cool with it though. They asked me a moral question and I gave them a moral answer that I will always stick by (the question was whether the Redskins rule. I answered "Of course!!!" Although, let's be honest, they suck).

I don't think I'll be getting a call back. But you know what? THEY WON'T BE GETTING A CALL BACK FROM ME EITHER!!! That's right, SUCK IT, JOB THAT I WON'T DISCLOSE ON MY BLOG!!!

Work Fail

2009-09-09T20:36:00.004+01:00

Pardon the extreme blog fail. I started class, a new internship, and spent the weekend camping. Life sometimes gets in the way of virtual writing. Shocking, I know.

Anyway, I started said internship yesterday. When I arrived, I was informed that my boss is out of town. For the next two weeks.

They have no work for me (or the other intern). I've been sitting here in my fancy suit finding new and creative ways to waste time. Mostly, this involves reading about the Redskins.

Normally, I would welcome such a work fail. I strongly fear, though, that the absence of work will turn into a plethora of busy work. I did not go to law school to do busy work. I went to law school to do grunt work.

Dear internship,

Do not rob me of the opportunity to do soul-crushing grunt work. There is a pulse of soul inside me. I do not know what to do with it. Please stamp it out immediately.

Love Always,

Jonathan

He's Back

2009-09-01T23:14:00.001+01:00

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=easterbrook/090901&sportCat=nfl

Blog Fail

2009-08-25T03:48:00.007+01:00

Um, yes. I've been failing on the blog posting front. I blame the move. When you spend all day packing, loading, and unloading in sweltering DC heat, you tend to spend the rest of the day doing things not involving any form of exertion. Yes, blogging is a form of exertion. I believe I burn at least 3 calories per paragraph. My fingers feel heavy as I write this. Might not be able to finis

GW Address Fail

2009-08-17T23:46:00.005+01:00

I was changing my address online for school today when I discovered something mildly hilarious: among the many nations individuals can claim as their home country, "U.S.S.R." remains an option. Nice work, GW. Way to make our comrades feel at home.

Combine Obamasocialism (kidding, I love the dude) with this and things are getting a bit red around here. Hey, I'm not complaining. I'll be first in the bread line (mmmmm, carbs).

PS: Speaking of fails, I was washing my hands in a restaurant in Adams Morgan yesterday when I read the following words on the wall: "Please wash your hands...this sign brought to you by the District of Columbia Department of Heath." I don't know you, Heath, but damn it I respect you.

Moving...

2009-08-16T18:36:00.003+01:00

One of the many things I was dreading upon my return to the states was my impending move into my Dad and Stepmom's house. This has been compounded by the imminent rental of my childhood home to a Parisian couple. In order to rent the house out, I have to have all of my belongings out of the house by August 23rd. I have a lot of things at the house. This is not going to be fun.

I've been planning on writing a sort of wrap-up of everything that happened at Oxford and Nice, but have been sidetracked by my obligations here. Once I get everything out of the way, I'll be sure to share all the joy that was my summer studying the law abroad. Yay moving!

Jet Lag

2009-08-13T23:27:00.003+01:00

I hates it! I woke up at 7:30 this morning! That's just wrong. Last night, my eyelids felt heavier than Rush Limbaugh by 7 pm. I drank two cups of coffee at dinner last night. I don't drink coffee. I'm supposed to watch my beloved Redskins tonight at 7:30. I'm honestly afraid I won't last that long. (slapping face). I can do this. (electrocuting self). zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. (fail).

Um, Wow

2009-08-12T18:49:00.006+01:00

That posting once a day thing didn't happen. There's good reason for that; I spent every day in Nice not in my room on the internet. I consider that progress.

Nice is indeed Nice. I spent all of Sunday lounging on the beach on my own personal bed. Yes, I rented a bed for the day.

The beach at Nice is a rock beach. I know that sounds painful, but they're all super smooth. Still, the really swank hotels have their own private beaches where you can rent a bed with a canopy.

Each section has their own personal waiter. For some reason, my waiter was extremely nice to me, so he found me a bed in the front row, right by the water. Next to my bed was a carpet into the Mediterranean. This, people, is luxury. Oh, and it was a topless beach. I was topless.

I spent Monday doing all the non-Beach things Nice had to offer. I started by visiting a Russian Orthodox Cathedral that looked like it was airlifted from the Kremlin. Pictures weren't allowed but I managed to take some incognito photos with my palm pre. It's possible that I'm going to Russian Orthodox hell, but it was totally worth it.

I then walked in cool Mediterranean rain up to the Marc Chagall museum. I knew nothing about Chagall and had low expectations for the place. When I walked in, I was immediately blown away. His paintings were so vivid and meaningful. The museum was arranged by periods of his artistic life, culminating in a room with a series of religious paintings centered on depictions of famous events from the Old Testament. Very cool. I'll post pictures once I upload them from my camera.

After that, I walked what seemed like forever up to the Matisse Museum. That was exhausting. So exhausting that I'll leave it for another post...

Part II to come later...I gotta run...

Nice is Nice

2009-08-08T22:35:00.003+01:00

I'm at the French Riviera. Repeat, I'm at the French Riviera. I'm staying in Nice for the next few days in an attempt to purge my mind of all the ridiculously horrible cases I read involving international human rights violations. My plan was to get to the nicest beach I could afford to go to before heading back to DC. Somehow, Nice seemed like the appropriate place. I hope I am correct. In an attempt to make everyone absurdly jealous, I will try to post at least one gorgeous picture a day. Yay, vacation!

I Have a Contract From Oxford

2009-08-05T19:25:00.004+01:00

It's true! As a result of my performance last Friday at formal dinner, the University gave me a contract in order to reimburse me for my services!

As you might recall, I paid 240 pounds to rent my cello. That's pretty steep. When Professor Steinhardt heard how much I paid, he looked into getting an honorarium from Oxford in order to help me defray the expense. That resulted in a contract paying me 150 pounds for my services! Granted, that's not all that my cello cost, but I never told them how much it cost. I'm more than happy with the amount.

The coolest part is that I now have an actual contract from the University of Oxford. Here are the terms as written in my contract:

"Dear Mr. Ruckman

Set out below are the details of the programme on which it is proposed you work. Our terms and conditions are given below.

Programme Summer School/Masters in International Human Rights Law

Venue New College

Role Musician at Formal Dinner (!!)

Dates Friday 31st July

Fee 150 pounds (they used the actual pound symbol)

etc........legalese......blah, blah, blah....

If the proposal and the terms and conditions are acceptable, please complete the form below and sign your acceptance, and return one copy of this letter to me at the above address.

Yours Sincerely,

Name of Oxford Employee (which I shall omit in an attempt at discretion)"

Awesome, right?!? I might not cash the check when I get it from them. I'll just frame it next to my first food stamp (kidding, kidding).

Okay, back to studying.

Exams During Summer = No Bueno

2009-08-04T18:36:00.008+01:00

It's my last week here at Oxford. On Friday, we have back to back two-hour exams. If you don't hear from me for a while, it's because I'm freaking out in the Oxford law library. All of that busking and not studying is finally catching up to me. Sad face.

Blair Witch Like Proof

2009-08-01T21:55:00.003+01:00

Um, I'm having a hard time figuring out to upload the video to this here blog. Instead, I posted it on YouTube. Sadly, I haven't been able to edit it to make it right-side up. That is likely a project for when I get home. Also, the actual video is 16 minutes long, but for some reason this one is only 9. I must figure this out.

Although the mic on the camera was pretty good, I'd have to say that it sounded much boomier in person. I hope you enjoy anyway. Just remember to turn your computer sideways! In case you didn't click on the link above, here it is again:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLoj1nenEEw

A Seat at the High Table

2009-08-01T14:56:00.005+01:00

As mentioned previously, Friday nights at Oxford are formal dinner nights. Everyone gets all spiffy and is served a classy meal. Last night was doubly significant because it was a celebration of Professor Steinhardt's birthday. My contribution was a performance of Bach's first cello suite.

When I arrived, Professor Steinhardt asked me if I'd be willing to perform some Bach for the group. I agreed and then rented a cello. Once I rented the cello, I was told that I would be performing after formal dinner on the third Friday night.

As you might imagine, I was quite nervous about performing in front of the whole group. So, in order to prepare, I forced myself to go out busking. I figured if I could play it well on a crowded street, I could play it well in a gorgeous chapel.

I think it turned out okay. There is video, but my camera is out of batteries. Once that situation is remedied, I will post the video. The setting was perfect for Bach, my cello sounded good, and everyone was extremely appreciative. I wish you all could have been there to witness it live. Hopefully the video will suffice.

Last Busking Post, I Swear

2009-07-29T12:07:00.005+01:00

I actually busked last night. It was glorious. I'm in a bit of a rush, so I'll just go over some highlights:

The logistics: I busked from ten of 7 to ten of 8. Per the official busking code of practice, buskers cannot busk for more than an hour at any one of the officially sanctioned busking locations (there are ten total). Buskers can only busk from 10 in the morning until 8 at night, so I was running up against a deadline there.
I busked at the corner of Market Street and Cornmarket Street. Apparently, markets are segregated in Oxford between those that sell corn and those that don't. I get it, I don't want corn spoiling my markets either. (Cornmarket Street, is a pedestrian only area where most of the tourists frequent. There is a Burger King and a KFC on Cornmarket. Classy).
I chose that location because it meant I could play underneath an overhang. It was extremely cloudy with some light rain at times, so the coverage was vital in order to protect my rented cello. I almost didn't busk when I saw it was raining a little bit. I'd put the temperature at about 60 degrees. It was certainly brisk.
As I expected, there weren't many people out. Due to my afternoon nap, I came much later than I hoped. I think most people were at dinner or home. It also was a Tuesday night. Not exactly a Sunday afternoon...
Regardless, I made 30 pounds! That's about $55 an hour (probably more than I would make as a lawyer). It cost me 240 quid to rent the cello. If I can keep up a rate of 30 pounds an hour, I'll only need to busk for seven more hours to make back my investment! That is my goal. We shall see.
There are some minor busking issues. First, I am a bit of a one trick pony right now. I've really only been working on one Bach suite since I got my cello on Saturday. In order to fill an hour, I could play it three times, (risking the dreaded, "OMG, he keeps playing the same shit over and over again" reaction) or I could work on some new material. Considering that I have pages and pages of reading to do and exams next week, this could prove difficult. I suppose I could attempt to swallow a sword the second time through and light myself on fire the third time through. I fear though that this would prevent me from busking further. Thoughts?
Second busking issue: my busking depends on good weather. I was lucky that it was only raining a bit. I would not be able to play in actual sustained rain. The overhang does not go out that far and any splashing of the cello would destroy it. Cellos are fragile pieces of wood. Old wood and water are not a good mix. In order to pay the owner of the instrument the value of the instrument (I'd estimate, based on what I paid to rent it, that it's worth somewhere around 4,000 quid), I'd probably have to busk until my fingers fall off. It's raining right now. Hopefully it doesn't rain next week, when I plan on busking my ass off.
I was nervous at first. It's weird to sit down in the middle of a public area and just start playing a musical instrument as loud as you can. Why did I try to play so loudly? Because cellos don't project outside. We need enclosed spaces to sound good. Thus, I was blasting away in order to push the sound out to a general area. I just closed my eyes in order to block out my surroundings, but a pretty constant clinking of silver against my cello case can be distracting. Most people waited until I finished a movement to come up and drop money in, which was kind.
A pair of young Japanese girls approached me while I was playing and asked if they could videotape me playing. I kept playing, and said sure. One proceeded to come behind me and smile while the other recorded her standing next to me. I was sort of curious whether they wanted me to stop in order to get a picture, but she seemed not to understand me when I asked her if she wanted me to stop. So, I just kept sawing away. They seemed happy and dropped some silver into my case and left.
Some other interesting moments included the time when a group of young Oxford punks walked briskly by and one of them flicked a pound into my case as the others smiled. This took me a bit by surprise. Who knew they liked Bach?
One gentleman in particular leaned up against the post next to me and listened as I played almost entirely through the suite. I thanked him in between movements and he said that he was a big fan of Bach.
Once I ran out of material, I repeated the first Bach suite again and I noticed another fellow across the street stay through the whole thing (it takes about 25 minutes). That's dedication, people. When I finished, I started packing up and he came up and told me what a good job I did. It turned out that he was a pianist/bass clarinetist from Canada (and he had the accent to back it up), hence the interest.
The nerves drifted away after about the first fifteen minutes. From that point on, I just started working on different things as I played. It was like getting paid to practice. I'd play through a movement focusing on a certain musical idea or bowstroke, seeing what sounded the best. It was kind of cool to feel that comfortable even as people intermittently stopped and listened or just floated on by.
All in all, I'd call my first busking experiment a 30 pound success. Hopefully there will be more busking glory in my near future. If there are pictures, I will be sure to post them.
Happy hump day!

Busking Win!

2009-07-27T18:04:00.004+01:00

Okay, so I didn't play today, but I did manage to get my busking permit! I now have an official Oxford City Council busking permit. It's got my picture on it, my signature (saying that I will not violate their "Busking Code of Practice), and their nice little code of practice on the back.

Here are some do's and don'ts:

Do: "Smile, enjoy yourself and entertain others!"

Hahaha! So lame!

Shut it.

Don't: "Perform in a manner that is dangerous to yourself or to the public."

Duly noted. I will try not to impale myself with my cello.

Do: "Only perform within the designated entertainment areas."

Why do they have to hate on music. It's not like you're protesting. You and that card are so lame.

Anger rising.

Don't: "Position yourself on a footway or highway in such a way that could be deemed as begging by passers by or the Police e.g. sitting on or wrapped in a sleeping bag or blanket."

Hahahaha! Looks like you're shit out of luck, buddy!

Son. Of. A. Bitch. How am I supposed to make money? Ah. Awwwwww. I guess I'm going to have to start shaving again.

Do: "Hold an Oxford City Council busker's permit."

Success!!!

Ya, but wait until people see the picture on your permit. People will start asking YOU for money.

Dude, I'm tired. Stop trying to hold a man down. I'm going to rock it out tomorrow. You'll see...

Busking Fail

2009-07-26T13:45:00.005+01:00

So, when I arrived here, the director of the program requested that I perform solo Bach cello for the group. In an attempt to be kind, I said, suuuuuuure, why not? After two weeks of failing to secure a cello for free, I finally broke down and rented one yesterday. The cost? 240 quid. In US dollars, that's about $450. Balls.

On my way home, I was having severe buyer's remorse. Could I have negotiated him down? He gave me a deal on it, but was it worth it to spend that kind of money on a rental cello? I'm only going to have it for two weeks! GAH!

Then a thought came to me, I could busk! I've never busked before but it seems fairly easy; just sit and play on the street and hope people toss some pounds into your case. I thought today would be a fine day to do such a thing, since it's a Sunday and all.

Just in an attempt to do my due diligence, I put the terms "busking" and "oxford" into google search. This unfortunatly led me to the Oxford City Council's restrictions on busking. It turns out, I need a permit. Suck, suck, suckitude.

Although it seems fairly easy to get a permit, that means today's out. In my mind, Sundays were a total cash cow. I thought I'd dress up as a beggar and play the shit out of my cello and then people would start making it rain all around me. Sadly, I will have to hope this is the usual Monday scenario (if they give me a permit).

Um, sorry to interject, but shouldn't you be studying, instead of attempting to make money on the streets of Oxford? Aren't you retired anyway? And what about your "I only play when drunk" policy?

A. I have time to commit a couple of hours each day to busking. I'll just have to cut down on my leisure activities, like sleeping.

2. I'm in the UK. I'm pretty sure the musicians' union doesn't have narcs over here.

iii. Oh, I'll be drunk (kidding, kidding).

I'll keep you (my one reader) posted.

Urgent House Elf Update...

2009-07-24T11:41:00.006+01:00

They are reading this blog! No sooner did I post about their lack of room cleanage did they show up and clean my room! They even cleaned my sink and vacuumed my floor! Oh glorious day. Thank you, house elves. Thank you. I shall free you all once I leave (as long as you continue to clean my room while I'm here...and don't mouth off).

That reminds me, I forgot to mention that I have a sink in my room (but no bathroom). This has turned out to be quite a luxury. I would call the sink the MVP (most valuable part) of my room so far. Every morning, instead of grudgingly trodding off to some shared bathroom to brush my teeth, I merely have to walk a few steps to my very own sink! Need a glass of water? No problem, I'll just head over to my sink! Oh, what's that? You got a stain on your shirt? No worries, I'll just wash it in my sink! Yes, this has made me quite the badass around these parts.

You're aware that others have their own sinks too, right?

Ah, awwwwww. You're such a debbie downer, italics dude. Brb, going to mess with their plumbing. House elves are terrible plumbers.

Quick Hits

2009-07-23T12:53:00.004+01:00

Sorry for the lack of posts. I've been illin for the past few days. Again?!? Yes, again. Immune system FAIL.

Below are some things I've been meaning to write about:

1. I'm going to get hit by a car and die.

One would think after a week and a half that I would know which way to look when crossing the street, but no, not even close. The first day I was here, I looked left and then crossed the street only to hear the sounds of a cyclist screeching to a very sudden and angry halt. My bad! This morning, I thought to myself, "look to your right, look to your right, look to your right." What did I do when crossing the street? Looked to my left. GAH. This will be the end of me.

2. The house elves read this blog.

And they were offended by it. Since my post, not one has come to take the trash out of my room or make my bed. Either Hermione has been leaving more of her shitty, knitted hats underneath the trash in order to set them free, or they hate me. I miss coming home to the scene of my bed made and my teddy bear on top of the pillow. You have a teddy bear, AND YOU BROUGHT IT TO OXFORD?!? You're such a fucking hater.

3. The weather here stinks.

Okay, so it's actually good for me, not so much for others. It's perma-fall here. Contrast that to the soup that is DC in the summer and I think it's pretty great. The only drawback is that I brought mostly t-shirts, so my two sweaters are getting some wear and tear.

4. We have a long weekend this weekend.

Where are you going? Paris, London, Rome? I'm going to sit in my room and catch up on everything I missed while illing over the past couple of days. Dude, that's so lame and sad. I fucking know, alright? With luck, I'll finish by Sunday and head up to Lichfield to visit a friend of mine. We shall see. You make me sad. Suck it, italics dude.

Formalities

2009-07-18T14:06:00.006+01:00

Last night was my first Oxford formal dinner. This is a tradition that really must come to the states. Americans need more excuses to dress up (and by dress up, I mean wear classy clothes, not the douchebag uni that kids wear on NYC Prep). We also need more opportunities to get shitfaced around our professors. Ya, that last one was fun for me. For others? Not so much (unless the profs like getting hit on by drunken Americans, then it's fun for everyone!).

For those of you who don't know, a formal dinner requires the men to show up in a jacket and tie. Ladies must wear whatever constitutes chick formal wear. Normally I would take these opportunities to show up my fellow man by coming ridiculously overdressed. I thought I would class it up a little this time though, since there were Brits present. Sadly, I just wore a suit. Picture: here.

Side note, I just looked out my window and saw the largest pigeon I've ever seen sitting in a tree outside my window. What the fuck? That thing's almost as big as a cat. I'm pretty sure if it tried to fly, its wings would refuse.

I digress, yes, so the formal dinner. Everyone looked lovely. It was nice to see people outside the classroom setting and see the professors and their families seated at the head table. The food was good, the section 12* company was fun, and the drinks were awesome. Good times for all.

*This would be section 12 version 2.0, not the incomparable section 12 beta.

OMG

2009-07-17T18:13:00.000+01:00

I really should have posted this yesterday but between class, my (three hour) afternoon nap, and homework, I didn't find the time. Anyway, I saw Harry Potter on Wednesday night. At a theater in Oxford. Next to a kid holding a wand (drumstick). Awesome.

I thought the movie was brilliant, mostly because it brought me back to my high school days of having my food laced with love potions (in muggle terms: roofies). In all seriousness, it's far better than the fifth. I highly recommend it.

As for the viewing experience, I'd give the Oxford movie theater a solid troll (in muggle terms: an F-). When we got our tickets, we noticed that our seats were assigned. This can be a good or bad thing. Our seats were very bad. They were in the second to last row of a smallish theater. Stadium seating? Check. Air conditioning? Fail. What's that spell? A gang of ornery Americans feverishly shedding layers and trying to sweat through a three hour movie.

All melting aside, it was cool to see a Harry Potter movie in Oxford. Through most of the movie, I could see remnants of the halls we spend our days in. It was also cool to see how a young, English crowd would respond to the high school shenanigans. Let's just say, there was cheering when a certain someone kissed a certain someone. No, I wasn't cheering. I was sweating. More than the actors, but for slightly different reasons. Oh, the good times in Oxford.

Existential Issues

2009-07-15T18:14:00.001+01:00

So, I'm going to see Harry Potter tonight at a theater in Oxford. If I see a movie about Hogwarts while at Hogwarts what does that mean? Am I falling through the looking glass? When I leave the theater, will I be a muggle in a sea of wizards? Will I return to my room and see Dobby making the bed?

That reminds me, every day I come back to my room to something magical; my bed made! I never see anyone come in or out of my room. I surely don't do it myself. They even empty the trash for me and tidy up a bit. How have Americans been living all these years without house elves? I think I made my bed and cleaned my room twice this year, only because I couldn't stand the withering glare of my roommate who shall not be named. And I did it myself! I might've even broken a sweat! Gah!

PS- Sorry for the angst yesterday. It's been glorious outside here and not being able to enjoy it has been killing me. Today, I managed to get my work done quickly, so I shall be reveling in the glory that is Oxford for the rest of the evening. I wish everyone could be here (considering I most likely have a readership of one, I wish you, my lone reader, could be here).

PPS- The above photo is of the "front quadrangle" at New College, otherwise known as the place Harry was taught quidditch in the first film. The building on the left is where we eat (the Chapel), the thing in the middle is "Muniment Tower," and the building on the right is the "Old Bursary." You see those stairs leading up Muniment Tower? I climb those every day to get into the Chapel for my meals. Glorious. Simply glorious.

Drowning in Pages...

2009-07-14T20:11:00.000+01:00

Like all blogs, this will be a forum entirely devoted to whining. Right now, I'm in Oxford, England. It's beautiful, historic, inspiring, blah, blah, blah. But do you know what I spend my day doing? Reading about how horrible humans are to other humans around the world.

But Jonathan, you're in law school. This is a program run by your law school. You should have seen this coming.

Thanks, ya, I know. The thing is, when I'm in Foggy Bottom, I don't care that I don't have time to take a scenic walk to the GW Hospital Emergency Room or chow down at ABP. When I'm in freaking Europe, I want to drown myself in Pimm's and scale walls and shit. This is just wrong.

Dude, it can't be that bad.

Fine, you do my reading, you paternalistic bastard.

*Sigh*

Oxford

2009-07-12T17:11:00.000+01:00

A friend of mine, who happens to be a prolific blogger, suggested that I blog about my experience in Oxford. Although I considered this thing dead, I thought that was a pretty good idea. Better this than mass emails, right? I'll try really hard not to be as lame as the blogger who shall not be named.

Anyway, I arrived at Oxford at 2PM and checked in. This was after a rather uncomfortable flight that consisted of little to no sleep. I'd flown Virgin America in the past and thought it rocked. Virgin Atlantic does not rock. It feels like Virgin America's bastard child. The planes are much older, the economy seats are ridiculously narrow, and there's no leg room. I seriously had to move to the bulkhead in order to gain some semblance of comfort. Upgrade for the return flight? You betcha.

The best part of the trip was the bus-ride to Oxford from Heathrow. The bus was really nice and clean, it had wireless, and outlets. The outlets thing would have been awesome if I'd remembered to buy a converter at the airport. Oh well. Ironically, the bus was the first place I managed to get some sleep.

I think that's enough for now. To give you a sense of where I'm at and what I'm up to, here's a pic of the college I'm staying at:http://www2.fukujo.ac.jp/WEBLOG-NAME/en/Harry%20Potter1.JPG Look familiar? Ya, they filmed parts of Harry Potter there. I know. It's awesome.

Ummm, yaaaa

2009-01-24T00:07:00.001Z

So, I survived the ski trip. How? I have no idea. When we arrived, the thermometer read -9 degrees. -9 degrees feels exactly how you imagine it would; like a complete absence of warmth. As soon as I stepped outside, I could feel everything in my nose freeze. Gross, right? Hey, I'm trying to be descriptive.

I then spent the rest of the night doing what people do on the GW Law ski trip. After a few hours of sleep (and Wii playing), I hit the slopes. I'm not a fantastic skier. I can get down the mountain without paralysis, but I've been run over by skiers before and subsequently ski patrolled off the slopes. That is not good times. I was hoping to avoid a repeat performance.

Surprisingly, and certainly out of character for me, I did the smart thing and stuck to the green and blue slopes (beginner and intermediate). Although I wiped out a few times on both days, I did so with grace and lived to tell the story. Clearly, the lack of hospital visits indicates progress.

On both of the final nights, I continued to do what people do on the GW Law ski trip. This mostly involved many hours of playing Kings, F&^^@ the Dealer, and Ride the Bus. Now, that last one is a doozy. If you're itching to find new and creative ways to get drunk, I would advise playing Ride the Bus. You will get drunk. Quickly. Embarrassingly. Laughingly. Amazingly. Do it.

Perhaps the highlight of the trip was the annual trip to Snowshoe's "Connection" nightclub. When people from previous ski trips mentioned "Connection," they couldn't do so without laughing. This piqued my curiosity. Surely we can all use some connecting in our lives, no?

It was everything I'd hoped for. Semi-toothless bouncers guarded the entrance like it was their personal conjugal trailer. Inside, a DJ spun "hits" while many GW Law girls danced on the stage. Meanwhile, the townies stared at them, sadly thinking they were attractive. Ah, isolation (I'm mean, they were all quite lovely).

We ultimately made our way back on MLK Day, a little wiser, a little sadder, and definitely drunker. Thank you, GW Law Ski Trip, for teaching me such great lessons. I'll never forget you.

Recovery

2009-01-12T22:32:00.000Z

I'm still trying to get over the fact that Winter Break and I split up. Things were going so well and then poof, gone. I've been keeping myself busy in an effort to avoid thinking about it.

Here's a quick review of my post-break activities:

1. Went to class (oh, and lots of them!)
2. Went to work (only fifteen hours, not so bad)
3. Broke my drinking-less resolution by getting drunk at the Big Hunt, a party for an incoming Senator, at a tapas place in Arlington, and a little at my house. Whoops!
4. Watched a lot of football while studying
5. Hosted a friend of mine from my old symphony
6. Rested (this was the best one)

Plans for the upcoming week? Saving my energy for this weekend's ski trip. I REALLY don't want to break anything, throw up, or die on this trip, so resting up beforehand is imperative. With any luck, I'll be healthily watching Barry's inauguration from the comfort of my Balls-ton home a week from tomorrow. With more luck, I'll check in before then. Godspeed.

NOOOOOO!!!!!

2009-01-05T04:17:00.000Z

Dear Winter Break,

Please don't go. I know that we've only been together since that crazy Wednesday in New Orleans, but I was hoping this wasn't just a fling. I thought that these past two and a half weeks really meant something to you. I know they meant the world to me.

Don't you remember all the amazing things we did together? We partied like rock stars in New Orleans, met my very first niece in that lovely hospital in Boston, heck we brought the New Year in together. I even saved my New Year's kiss for you. Doesn't that mean anything to you? Am I just another student passing through until next year's shenanigans?

You know what, you can just shove it. I've been hearing rumors about this hot new break called Spring Break. Apparently Spring Break passes by like a shooting star but she's much warmer and one step closer to a Break I could really settle down with; luscious Summer Break.

So screw you Winter Break! I'm moving on to greener pastures. Clearly you didn't appreciate what a good thing we had going. There's an outside shot you can get back into my good graces by early December next year, but you better come up with something good. A trip to Cabo maybe? It was fun, Winter Break. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

Heartbroken,

Jonathan

Ray Maualuga Is My Hero

2009-01-04T22:04:00.000Z

Glorious, just glorious.

Resolutions?

2009-01-02T20:04:00.001Z

I'm with Calvin on this one. I've never been one to make resolutions. You're only setting yourself up for failure by resolving to do something you haven't been able to do your entire life for an entire YEAR. A year is a long time, people. We're talking a complete revolution of the earth around the sun. Do you know how far that is? 150 million freaking kilometers! That's just absurd.

If I was one to make resolutions, the following list encompasses things I should probably resolve to do (and soon):

1. Look for a summer job!
2. Drink less, watch other people drink more.
3. Attempt to show up on time to class.
4. Lessen my carbon footprint by not opting to drive any distance over ten feet.
5. Not eat every single meal out.
6. Learn to say "women are not objects" with a straight face (which I've been unable to do for over a year now)
7. Blog more than once a week. I'm sure you're all keeping your fingers crossed on that one...

At Least I'm Still Alive

2009-01-02T19:38:00.000Z

I ended up rallying enough to go to a party, get mildly drunk, go to a club, not get mildly drunk, and then take care of someone who was WILDLY drunk. I would rate this as a solid B+ compared to previous New Year's Eve experiences. Sad? Maybe. Progress? Definitely. Next year I'm aiming to be the one WILDLY drunk and have someone awesome (like me) taking care of me. That will merit at least a high pass. Happy New Year!

New Year's Eve

2008-12-31T18:55:00.000Z

I've never had a good New Year's. Last year I was recovering from an illness and couldn't get my drink on. The year before, I was getting text stalked by the girl I'd just dumped. The year before that, I drank high lifes in State College, PA with a bunch of college students and felt very old. The year before that...you get the point.

I had a variety of options for this frigid evening but, of course, I'm feeling sick. My plan of attack? Drink a shit-ton of grapefruit juice and hope I rally. Otherwise it's going to be another sad evening of staying home and watching Dick Clark's corpse counting down to the new year. Please pray for me. I must have a good time tonight.

It's Been a While (Part Deux)

2008-12-29T19:37:00.000Z

I actually survived New Orleans. Last year, I drank too much, didn't sleep enough and got sick. This year, I followed the same formula but miraculously remained healthy. All credit goes to Aaron Joachim for sharing with me his magic hangover remedy (gatorade and alka seltzer, yum!).

Following my NOLA shenanigans, I flew up to Boston to see my pregnant sister. She was due to give birth to a girl on the 23rd. The arrival of baby Alissa would make me an uncle for the first time and no longer the youngest member of my entire family tree. Understandably, I had mixed emotions about this.

Being the youngest has its perks. For example, I received many more presents from Santa than any of my other siblings due to my constant denial of his nonexistence. I also managed to parlay my status as the youngest into years of getting out of chores ("but Mom, I'm far too small and weak to mow the lawn! that's older sibling work!"). Naturally, my larger and less gifted (spoiled) older siblings resented my status as the youngest (greatest), but to the victor (youngest) goes the spoils.

On the plus side, the arrival of Alissa meant I no longer had to suffer the indignity of being introduced by my mother to anyone and everyone as "the baby of the family." For a while, people responded to that introduction with something along the lines of "Awwwww," or "he's a little large to be the baby, no?" but that soon gave way to, "is she serious?" and "does she know he's 27?" Now I can rest easy with the knowledge that when she says "isn't my baby adorable?" she's referring to the tiny girl in pink (Alissa), not the huge dude in pink (me).

When Alissa finally arrived on the 26th, I was relieved. My sister made it through like the 5'2" champion that she is and Alissa came out healthy and beautiful. I've gone from being the little brother that might to the big uncle that could. That tops anything that I could have milked out of Santa.

It's Been a While (Part One)

2008-12-29T17:49:00.000Z

Finals+relief work in New Orleans+becoming an uncle= no blogging for a month. I'm back and worse than ever. My New Year's Resolution is to post at least once a month. This dramatic increase in posting will hopefully allow me to reach my 2009 goal of 12 blog views.

Over the last month, much has happened in the life of Pay the Money and Take a Shot. I took two brutal law school exams. One was fair (corporations) and the other was a disjointed piece of shit (crim pro). I then frantically assembled a sixteen page answer to my take home health care final and turned it in an hour before it was due.

Having finished three exams, I celebrated by getting absolutely smashed at a friend's party and then further smashing myself at the law school end of semester party. This resulted in more than a few drunk texts, one embarrassing drunk dial, and a carefully crafted apology email. Yaaaaa....

This still left me with a paper to write for my public corruption class. My goal had been to finish it before I took off for New Orleans for a week of relief work (drinking). After feverishly writing ten pages on Saturday (the 13th), I quickly realized my goal was going to go unmet.

I did the logical thing and flew to New Orleans the next day, met up with my friends, and further smashed myself on Bourbon Street. I then locked myself in my hotel room for the next two days and banged out 21 hopefully coherent pages (and 170 footnotes!) about the misdeeds of William Jefferson.

Unfortunately, my lockdown cost me two days of working in the lovely NOLA sun (and two drinking nights!). There was only one way to remedy this; working and drinking myself into oblivion over the final three days. The results? Hours of cleaning, drinking hurricanes, denailing, taking shots, hauling wood, slamming beers, and getting kicked out of the pool area later, mission accomplished!

I Hate the Cowgirls

2008-11-17T04:02:00.001Z

NOOOOOOO!!!! The game's not over, but they're sucking the life out of the Skins by pounding Marion Barber 3 off tackle. I can't take it anymore. I'm seriously considering switching over to The Notebook so I don't have to continue to watch this hideousness.

When the Skins beat Dallas in Dallas and then Philly in Philly, the pundits claimed the Redskins were in the driver's seat in the NFC East. At the time, I just couldn't bring myself to agree. I feared we weren't as good as we'd been playing. Now it looks like I'm right. Beating a rival on the road means nothing if you turn around and lose to them at home.

To make matters worse, this marks about the fifth game in a row that our offense has been generally unproductive. Only ten points and barely 300 yards isn't going to get it done in the NFC East. We'll see if Zorny can get the offense going. Right now, though, it's not looking pretty.

Shocking

2008-11-16T03:06:00.001Z

Take a closer look at that photo. Click on it even. Yes, that's our fine nation's lame-duck President flashing the old shocker. Now, I've been known to do the same (in photos), but this isn't the sort of thing one expects from his commander in chief. Was this part of Bush's shock and awe strategy in Iraq?

I know what you're thinking, some loser spent five hours in his mother's basement photoshopping the ring finger off of about fifty people. Wrong! That's the real deal.

Who knows why he chose to throw down the shocker now. It would have been nice, though, if he'd flashed it during the 2000 campaign. Maybe then we'd have known what he had in store for our mother country. Motherfucker.

This Doggy

2008-11-11T02:10:00.000Z

I wants it! The one bright spot out of the 5k was meeting this lovely wirehaired dachsund puppy. She was so sweet and lovable. When my friends and I went up to pet her, she rolled onto her back and was soooo content as she got a belly rub. If I ever escape the quagmire that is law school, my first purchase will be an equally cute puppy. I can't wait.

5k = PAIN

2008-11-09T16:59:00.001Z

My nipples hurt. Seriously, they feel like someone rubbed a piece of sandpaper on them. My legs feel like lead. I smell bad. Why? Because I brilliantly made the last second decision to run a 5k.

My friends are into justice. Make that equal justice. Unfortunately, GW Law's Equal Justice Foundation was putting on a race. I learned yesterday that most of my friends were planning on running in the race.

I explained to them how out of shape I was, how much I enjoyed sleeping, how much I hated running. But no, they insisted I come. In classic sucker fashion, I agreed to go.

3.1 miles and a piss poor half hour of running later, I'm sitting on the couch trying to regain my bearings. I'm pretty sure I have my dignity but I might have lost it on the final hill when I decided to stop running and walked for half a mile. I used to have some pride but that took a hit when a woman from the 40-49 group blazed past me.

I took some valuable lessons away from this experience: 1) don't eat four pieces of pizza, cake, cupcakes, and drink three beers the night before running in a 5k, 2) if you're out of shape and hate running, don't run in a 5k, 3) don't run in a 5k.

Crazy Week

2008-11-07T03:02:00.000Z

I apologize to my millions of loyal readers (Sai) for being such a lazy poster. As you may have heard, there was an election this week. I spent the day doing poll watching in southern Virginia. I promise to devote an entire post to how awesome that was.

Anyway, my tireless devotion to the Big O cost me a day of work and I've been catching up since then. I think I'm finally up to speed, but my blogging suffered. I know, I know, my priorities are terribly out of whack. The most important election in our lifetime vs. blogging and I chose election. Stupid me.

To make up for it, I promise to blog the fuck out of this thing over the next few days. Prepare to be have your brains blogged out! It could get blogging bloggy up in here! Blog blog blogging blog, blog blog blog blog blog blogger! You get the point...

Friday Links

2008-10-31T17:44:00.000Z

Since this is a blog, I'm required by blog statute to put up a links post. This was the best I could do to meet the requirements. Enjoy:

Clearly these sad, sad people missed the epic Filipino prison version.

Will Ferrell is the funniest USC football fan alive. That includes you, Snoop Dogg.

I've heard rumors that Obama's planning on flying back to Chicago tonight to trick or treat with his daughters. Imagine the doorbell ringing and having Barry at the door. Beats Old Crazy showing up.

The New York Knickerbockers are undefeated and tied for first place! I hate the Knicks, but it's hard to root against a team that's been as bad as the Knicks have been during the Isaiah era. Unfortunately, their new coach has already developed a testy relationship with the home fans. Oh, New York sports fans, you make it so easy to hate you.

Lastly, any posting of links is not complete without some mention of lolcats. Have you seen the lolcats bible? "Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem." Soooo funny.

Crazy Talk

2008-10-31T14:49:00.000Z

Apparently some Hillary supporting yahoo (see above) thinks that Obama wasn't born in the US and is an Indonesian citizen. He's so convinced that he filed suit in federal district court in Pennsylvania in an attempt to bar Obama from winning the presidency. The judge rejected the claim but crazy says he's appealing to the Supreme Court. Considering the current political leanings of the Supreme Court, I wouldn't be surprised if they granted cert and turned this election into a freakshow. Oh le no.

I <3 Corporations

2008-10-31T14:06:00.000Z

So, as I typically do, I stumbled in late and groggy to my 9:55 Corporations class this morning. Instead of the usual monotonous discussion of fiduciary duties, agency, and mergers, we're doing prediction markets for corporate governance. You're thinking, what the hell is that and why is that better than the usual class?

Basically, my professor is doing research in this area and we're doing an exercise to illustrate how it works by applying it to this election. The classroom has turned into the floor of the New York Stock Exchange, with people buying and selling $100 shares of Obama's presidency, voter turnout percentages, the winner of the Al Franken Senate race, and number of GOP Senate seats.

If Obama wins, my $100 shares are worth their $100. If he loses, they're worth as much as Al Gore's beard. So far I've dumped all my voter turnout stock (they're worth something if turnout is over 60%) because, let's face it, Americans are lazy. I've bought up stock on Al Franken losing and the GOP winning more than 40 Senate seats. I'm holding onto my Barry stock because Barry's a winner.

We'll see what happens. Oh, and my prof is teaching the class with a Wizard hat on. Such a badass.

Tea + Bags = Humor

2008-10-28T03:46:00.000Z

I will go to the ends of the earth to find ways to humiliate members of my beloved fantasy football league. Last night, I checked the scoreboard to see what was going on with my team. I happened to notice this score: Black Santa 68 - Texas T 98

As any asshole would do, I hastily posted on the league message board something about my friend Nick getting Texas T-bagged by my friend Pat. Now, teabagging is nothing to joke about (as shown here). Still, I could think of no better way to capture the domination suffered by Nick at the hands of his younger brother. In an effort to enhance Nick's pain through video illustration of teabagging, I discovered this little gem. Enjoy!

PS- Don't worry, it's not obscene and can be viewed at work. For those of you who are impatient, fast forward to the 1:30 mark but know that the setup is part of the fun.

Google Rocks

2008-10-25T17:41:00.000+01:00

Check out this sweet election gadget from those badasses at google. Just be careful. If you click on states too many times, they'll turn red and we'll end up with Old Crazy as our next President. Unfortunately blogger's layout won't allow the whole country to show up, but you get the point. At least for once, the east coast has to take a backseat to the west coast.

I'm Afraid of the State of Ohio

2008-10-25T05:22:00.000+01:00

Actually, I'm afraid of Ohio State University's football team. I mean, I'm not worried they're going to climb through my window, drag me out to the football field, and tape me naked to the goalposts. It's just that Penn State has a chance to win the national championship. They haven't been in this position since 1994 (back when JoePa was merely 67). Ohio State and their well-paid and underclassed players stand in the way.

I honestly have no idea what's going to happen. Penn State hasn't beaten OSU at The Horseshoe since 1978 (back when JoePa was 51). PSU has run through their Big Eleven schedule with ease but that's about as impressive as McCain winning Nebraska. Meanwhile, the Buckeyes have looked like a juggernaut ever since they inserted Terrelle "Benedict" Pryor into the lineup following their pasting at USC.

My hope is that Penn State stops Pryor and then sends JoePa out to pasture with another national championship. That won't happen if they don't get past Ohio State. It's going to take a lot of defense, the best of the Spread HD, and some of that JoePa spirit. I think they can do it. If they do, they'll be partying like it's 1978.

Halloween (the movie)

2008-10-25T03:04:00.000+01:00

For some absurd reason, Halloween is my favorite movie. Once October rolled around, I scanned tvguide.com for upcoming screenings. The first showing was tonight. I planned my entire weekend around being in front of a TV at 8pm ET so I could be enthralled by two hours of Jamie Lee Curtis running for her life. Those two hours are now sadly over.

The results? Countless dead bodies, one stolen headstone, multiple false Michael Myers death alarms, and too many horny teenagers to keep track of. Jerry Bruckheimer take note, this is the formula for horror movie gold.